He just told me he doesnt know whether he still loves me. He also said whether this relationship lasts is up to him, not me.

A fortnight before our one year anniversary too.

I bet you guys find me pathetic.

I'm 19. My birthday passed a few days ago. Dont like the feeling of getting older.

I got this present from my dad. Its a simple compilation of God's promises to us. I saw one that captured my entire attention. Its the one on the left that I bolded. I knew this verse would hold meaning for me soon.

Sure enough, yesterday night, I going through a hard time in my relationship and wasnt able to sleep. I thought of the possible negative outcomes of the problem at hand, and the phrase "I am afraid" came into my mind. Then, immediately, I thought of the verse. God hadnt given me a spirit of fear.

It took awhile but soon I was slowly comforted. I sensed peace in my heart, a warm feeling, like someone just hugged me tight. I felt God for the very first time in that year. I will never forget that verse now.

I've been running away on how I've been treating God. I've been avoiding thinking about how God must be feeling the past one year. I've been so caught up with being concerned about how Chris treats me that I totally forget about how I've been treating God, the only One who is truly faithful and true to me.

I kept thinking I was alone in all my relationship problems. That no one bothers to help me, to lend a listening ear, to speak a comforting word.

I used this blogskin before. And I remember it well. I saw this sentence somewhere today. "Sometimes we need to have child-like faith in God". It should be so simple. Just trust and follow. But we get so unnecessarily complicated with our lives that something like faith is deemed difficult....

I want my life back.